You are between 28 and 32 years of age. You have been working for more than 5 years now. You are single. You begin to notice that everything around you has changed, except you. You are still the same person. But you feel a big void within you. You just can not precisely answer why you feel so.
An accident or an incident or a bout of ill-health or a serious setback causes so much of grief that you realize life is too small. It changes your entire perspective towards life. When looked through this new perspective, you are no longer happy about those very same things you were happy until then.
You realize you are not going anywhere. And you begin to envy those 'super achievers' among your friends. Of course, you also know they might be envying some others. The career you were once very ambitious about is no longer your passion. It is just a means of earning some money. This change in attitude, most probably, would not have escaped the attention of your boss.
More kids call you 'uncle' or 'aunty' now. And you don't like it. Are you a boy/girl or a man/woman now? You tend to choose the word to suit the surroundings. All those 35+ men/women try to include you in their gang. You can not help but notice you are being included in the 'we' in phrases like "when we were in school". You say to yourself 'not yet' and try to pull away. All those below 25's try to push you out of 'youngistan'. They don't want you to compete with them. You say to yourself 'not yet' and stick around. You wonder why there is so much of unspoken emphasis on age? 50 is young in politics. 40 is young in business. 35 is young in movies. You are not there yet and people around you don't see that. You cry it is not fair. But you know time is running out.
Your friends, one after the other, are getting married. Relatives, well wishers and friends start conversations with the pleasantry "when are you getting married" instead of the usual "how are you". It is a different thing that they never care for your answer. Almost all the married men/women tell you how good it is to get married. But their deeds don't always say the same thing. You don't believe what they say. You are afraid of the unknown. You postpone your entry into that unknown territory called marriage. But you can't articulate why.
You don't enjoy those very things you found enjoyable until not long ago. You realize you miss a lot of things in life. On top of the list is the company of a woman/man depending on your gender. How about girlfriends/boyfriends? You know they are rare specimens. Less than 10% of south Indian men of your age ever had a girlfriend. The percentage is even smaller for women. Rest of the men would have tried but failed. Rest of the women would have either expected too much or been too frightened by single men, not frightened by married men though. You know it is the truth, though everyone, including you, talks of a boyfriend or girlfriend being so common.
You are too ashamed to share this with your friends. Self-help books appear to be the only refuge in your attempt to live with the envy, the sense of mediocrity, the sense of worthlessness. But you know they are good only for reading and recommending to others. You know they don't help you. You are human after all.
An accident or an incident or a bout of ill-health or a serious setback causes so much of grief that you realize life is too small. It changes your entire perspective towards life. When looked through this new perspective, you are no longer happy about those very same things you were happy until then.
You realize you are not going anywhere. And you begin to envy those 'super achievers' among your friends. Of course, you also know they might be envying some others. The career you were once very ambitious about is no longer your passion. It is just a means of earning some money. This change in attitude, most probably, would not have escaped the attention of your boss.
More kids call you 'uncle' or 'aunty' now. And you don't like it. Are you a boy/girl or a man/woman now? You tend to choose the word to suit the surroundings. All those 35+ men/women try to include you in their gang. You can not help but notice you are being included in the 'we' in phrases like "when we were in school". You say to yourself 'not yet' and try to pull away. All those below 25's try to push you out of 'youngistan'. They don't want you to compete with them. You say to yourself 'not yet' and stick around. You wonder why there is so much of unspoken emphasis on age? 50 is young in politics. 40 is young in business. 35 is young in movies. You are not there yet and people around you don't see that. You cry it is not fair. But you know time is running out.
Your friends, one after the other, are getting married. Relatives, well wishers and friends start conversations with the pleasantry "when are you getting married" instead of the usual "how are you". It is a different thing that they never care for your answer. Almost all the married men/women tell you how good it is to get married. But their deeds don't always say the same thing. You don't believe what they say. You are afraid of the unknown. You postpone your entry into that unknown territory called marriage. But you can't articulate why.
You don't enjoy those very things you found enjoyable until not long ago. You realize you miss a lot of things in life. On top of the list is the company of a woman/man depending on your gender. How about girlfriends/boyfriends? You know they are rare specimens. Less than 10% of south Indian men of your age ever had a girlfriend. The percentage is even smaller for women. Rest of the men would have tried but failed. Rest of the women would have either expected too much or been too frightened by single men, not frightened by married men though. You know it is the truth, though everyone, including you, talks of a boyfriend or girlfriend being so common.
You are too ashamed to share this with your friends. Self-help books appear to be the only refuge in your attempt to live with the envy, the sense of mediocrity, the sense of worthlessness. But you know they are good only for reading and recommending to others. You know they don't help you. You are human after all.
11 comments:
One of your best posts... I agree with u on each and every word of this post.
Quarter life crisis?
I don't know if it is a crisis. I just wanted to capture the way many people feel. I hope at least some ppl identify with the post.
as long as you have a friend like me, you can freely share whatever you feel like anytime. know that there is a mobile that can put you through to me.
Changa, the post is not about one individual but about so many people. Lot of people said they could identify with it.
Excellent post VG, both in the language and in the thoughts!
Well written!
Very very well written VG!
I certainly can identify with it myself. It was a great read.
Love your post VG. The best to date. Simply marvellous. Every word speaks. It is so true and highly encouraging for anyone between the 30-35 mark :)
very true!!!
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